Dear followers,
Yesterday I was struck with some sad news; news that has left a meatball-sized hole in my heart. Whilst creeping on Facebook I discovered that MTV’s Jersey Shore was ending after one more season. I admit that I love this show. Nothing made a long day of school more enjoyable than knowing it was Jersday and that I would soon be getting together with my friends, pouring some pinot and having a good laugh. And yet while I pouted, I noticed that there were massive amounts of people delighted over this farewell. The media is continuing its bloodbath against these people as it has from the beginning and I am growing tired of it. And so I pondered. Why do people hate this show so much? Why does it produce such a wave of nausea?
People who deem themselves “educated” and “classy” have slammed this show countless times for encouraging stupidity, immorality and delinquency. First and foremost, if you actually take Jersey Shore seriously, you are a moron. I really don’t need to go any further with that. Secondly, for Mr and Mrs Holier than Thou who claim that they don’t watch the show because “they have a brain” I say get off your high horse. I am working on my third University degree, am well-travelled, play classical music and have published work. But guess what? I go to the club and get smashed, I fist pump till my arm hurts, I yell obnoxiously and I have had some close calls with grenades in my lifetime. How is this possible you ask? How can those two worlds co-exist? It’s because I’m a guy in my 20s that likes to unwind and have some fun and I have a funny feeling I’m not the only person on the planet who does the same. The only difference is my life isn’t documented by a camera crew. Jersey Shore showcases “youngish” people having a good summer. With all the racism, homophobia, religious intolerance and pure hatred out there in this world, why are people still getting their panties in a wad over alcohol and sex?
Is this show really that bad compared to what else is on TV? Is it worse than the never-ending diarrhea of shows out there that involve people trying to find “true love” in the most un-natural way possible? Is it worse than the gem “I didn’t know I was pregnant” which involves obese women sans teeth living in trailers who somehow manage to get knocked up, spend 9 months carrying a child and shockingly deliver a baby when all they thought was happening was some cramps from a bad batch of chilli? Is it worse than “Toddlers and Tiaras”, where parents dress their toddlers up as whores, choreograph a stripper routine for them and reward them with a trophy? Finding love on a gameshow...ooh I hope they make it. Surprise baby delivery in a motor-home toilet...those poor women. 4-yr-olds stuffing their bras and getting fake teeth...so adorable. Young people having a few drinks and dancing...an abomination!!!! Really? Really?
I think the biggest complaint I have heard from people about the Jersey Shore is “I can’t believe they make millions of dollars just to party”. Do you know what that’s called folks? That’s the green eye of jealousy. Look deep into your hearts, do you really dislike what they are doing? Do you really think it’s stupid or an embarrassment? Or are you just pissed that someone you feel works less than you and deserves less than you is more successful? It’s the Paris Hilton-effect where people instantly hate something or someone who they don’t feel deserve the things they have. And to you people, I quote the great Phoebe Buffay, “get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay”. Enjoy the show for what it is, fluffy entertainment that is welcomed after a long day of my brain wanting to explode. And if you don’t want to enjoy the show, I have a solution for you. It’s called changing the channel. Mind = blown.
So before I end this little rant, I would like to reflect on the actual life lessons that Jersey Shore has taught me.
1.Jersery Shore taught me that no matter how much you love someone, if they are f*** up you need to get the hell out of there. From personal experience, watching Sam and Ronnie together was like watching a mirror. I managed to get out of that train wreck and you can too. There’s always another gorilla juicehead or another sweetheart for you that will treat you better.
2.Jersey Shore taught me to always value personal image. There are a lot of slobs in this world, just go to Walmart on a Sunday afternoon and you’ll see. But that shit wouldn’t fly in the shore house. You have to be looking “fresh to death” at all times. That means, freshly laundered clothes, not a single hair out of place, plenty of Axe or perfume and some stylish accessories. And no matter how drunk they got the night before, they were always in the gym the next day. I think promoting pride in one’s look could be beneficial to a lot of people I see out on the street and to that I say kudos Jersey Shore. Some people Eat, Pray, Love and some people Gym, Tan, Laundry. Just take care of yourself.
3.Jersey Shore taught me that if you’re a manipulative bitch, no one will like you. I have met too many Angelina’s in the last few years and I wonder that maybe if they watched this show, they would have learned that like Angelina’s garbage bag suitcase, they are nothing but trash.
4.Jersey Shore taught me the value of family dinner. A family eating together has sadly become a thing of the past. Now people are too busy or there is something more worthwhile on TV or on their phones. It’s nice to see that every Sunday, the cast get together to cook in the kitchen, sit down to a gorgeous dinner, pray and enjoy each other’s company. Being Italian myself, I understand the ritual that is Sunday dinner and the importance it has in keeping a family together.
5.Finally, Jersey Shore taught me that true friends will always be there for you. Whether you’re on your 6th breakup with your significant other, arrested for disturbing the peace, bashed your head into a wall, depressed from being homesick, or had some meatball problems on a class trip to Montreal, your real friends will always be there to pick you off the ground, cheer you up and remind you that everyone else is just as messed up as you.
Alas, the show that redefined reality TV and enraged people the world over is coming to a close. However, every storm cloud has a silver lining and rumors are that the show will continue with a new cast. Nonetheless it will be hard to fill the stilettos and sneakers of these guidos and guidettes, who were often imitated but never duplicated: Pauly DelVecchio, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Mike Sorrentino, Jenny Farley, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Sammy Giancola, Vinny Guadagnino and Deena Cortese.
In closing, I am glad shows like these provide a welcome break from all the depressing shit going on in the world today. So to all the fans of the show (and the haters), I say take a shot, dance the night away and find someone who’s DTF.
Ciao
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