And so it begins...

Hello readers.

I've always wanted to start a blog but I assumed that my life was not blog-worthy (just like I am assuming now that I have readers). But i've come to realize that even if no one ever reads my tirades and ponderings, it's a form of release for me and that's reason enough to do it. Don't expect to find anything relevatory or awe-inspiring. Don't expect to learn every secret about me. This blog is meant for me to share my ideas and thoughts and opinions as I go about my mundane life. It's a chance to get a peek of what's going on inside my head. Scary thought? You bet. I hope you are prepared.

Some of you may be wondering about the title of my blog. I thought of it for about 5 minutes before i settled on this one. I think it's an accurate explanation of how i feel. I choose ambiguous because often my thoughts are lacking clearness, are often obscure, and can have several meanings. Often i don't even know the meaning of my thoughts or why i feel the way i do. I can often get mad at someone without really knowing why. Maybe if all the voices would quiet down I could concentrate. Damn voices. Although the one that sings like Fran Drescher is quite nice.

I call myself incongruous because it represents the feeling i've had all my life of not fitting in. I often feel like an observer when in social situations. And even though i am not socially inept in any way, I definitely feel like I march to the beat of my own drum. It's like being the only apple in a bowl of oranges. There's nothing wrong with an apple being there, almost everybody likes apples, it's just that the apple can't relate to all those oranges. I guess i'm waiting for another apple to join the bowl (and now i've made myself hungry).

Finally, i call myself a puppet. I've come to realize over the years that I often live my life based on what others have chosen for me or what is expected of me. Growing up, I've been expected to be the model citizen, the goodie-two-shoes, the practising Catholic, the future doctor who would one day strike it rich and marry the perfect Italian woman and have perfect children who would play various string instruments in perfect harmony. I feel intense pressure to live up to what my family and the community expects of me and all i'm left with is the intense desire to rebel. Like Pinocchio, I need to cut my strings so that they don't hold me down. Hopefully though I wont turn into a donkey and get swallowed by a whale. I guess i just have an increasingly burning need for independence so i can live life the way i want to without rules, constraints, expectations and constant critique. Again like Pinocchio i want to stop being a puppet and become a real boy (or i suppose a man). I do have issues referring to myself as a man. I am 23 but I still feel like a boy. Maybe i have issues about growing up. I seem to have a lot of issues. Maybe I should be concerned. But I digress.

Hopefully whomever reads this will find it entertaining. I know that I enjoy reading about what other people are thinking but I am voyeuristic like that. Not sure how often i'll post. Like i mentioned before, my life is as exciting as an Antiques Roadshow marathon.

Enjoy. Excuse me while I go get an apple.